


Dude... dude.

by Phayte



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Like do not take this seriously, Lube, M/M, Straight Boys that are kinda gay, and talking to bad influences, crackfic, results of bad decisions, thigh fucking, total crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 12:40:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12321273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phayte/pseuds/Phayte
Summary: Georgi and JJ were straight... but then why were they getting married?  (Total Crack Fic not meant to be taken seriously, just enjoy and laugh)





	Dude... dude.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blownwish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blownwish/gifts), [Ashii Black (ashiiblack)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashiiblack/gifts).



> Thank you so much [ashiiblack](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ashiiblack/works) for the edits to this!
> 
> I swear -- All of this is Blownwish fault!!!!! THIS ENTIRE FIC IS ALL HER FAULT!
> 
> So there was art done of JJ cooking... for his husband... [chou-3](https://chou-3.tumblr.com/post/166157846949/cooking-jj-happy-1st-anniversary-fo-yoi-look-at) art started me thinking of this pair! And this is what happen!

“Dude, don’t they both know they are gay for one another?” Yuri whispered to Otabek as they got to their seat in the church.

“Not if you ask them,” Otabek whispers back, “Five bucks says they fuck in a year.”

“Five bucks say they fuck on their honeymoon,” Yuri laughed out.

 

JJ wasn’t nervous. It wasn’t a _real_ marriage per se; they were doing it for tax breaks and splitting bills. They could share health insurance, a mortgage, all of that. It only made sense really. It was after Isabella and Anya left, they had started hanging out-- only a year later, found themselves at an altar with Father John marrying them.

There had been an argument, JJ wanted Georgi to wear a dress and Georgi refused. It was weird enough they were getting married, it was even more weird one of them wearing a dress.

“But Georgi! It is less gay if you are in a dress!”

“It is _more_ gay if I wear a dress!”

“Dude.”

“Dude.”

That was the end of that discussion. They both wore smart suits and had a small gathering of their friends. JJ’s parents were confused, hell, everyone was confused.

But Georgi and JJ had a traditional wedding. They had both dreamed of this day for so long. Church bells, flowers, music, friends, family-- the whole shebang.

That was what they had planned. JJ had Yuri and Otabek take him out for his bachelor party and was offended when they took him to the male strip club.

“I need chicks!” JJ yelled.

“Dude, you are gay, watch men,” Otabek said as he chugged a beer.

JJ whined enough till they took him to the run down club downtown and even bought him a lap dance. Yuri cringed at all the tits around the bar and drank himself stupid.

Somehow they made it through the service. Even at the exchanging of rings, they said their vows with straight faces-- meaning every word. _To have and to hold. Sickness and in health. Till death do us part_.

JJ didn’t mind. He meant what he said. He _did_ love Georgi, in a platonic way. Georgi had been there for him with his break up of Isabella. Georgi had stayed with him an entire month, even had climbed in bed and held him as he cried-- being a friend.

When the priest told them “You may kiss your husband.” They laughed and shook hands.

The reception was fun. There was a lot of alcohol and laughs.

“Where is the honeymoon?” Otabek asked JJ.

JJ kick Otabek and went over to join his _husband_.

_Husband_. JJ had a husband. What the hell was he thinking? He stopped thinking months ago when they got drunk and came up with this plan.

_We can share bills! We can keep each other company! Screw these women!_

It all sounded so good when they were drunk, but now standing next to Georgi, JJ needed more to drink. He drank a lot that night, he wasn’t blackout drunk, but he was louder than usual and even had to lean on Georgi as they left the reception hall to go back to their hotel room. They would leave on a plan and go to Hawaii the next day.

_Honeymoon_ . 

JJ had passed out on the couch that night, still in his suit.

 

* * *

 

Hawaii was nice. They stayed on the beach, soaking up the sun. Georgi complained over JJ’s too small of speedos he wore. JJ hated tan lines and Georgi knew this. But since they were married what was the point of worrying over tan lines anymore? Why did they care about how trim their waist and stomachs were?

Georgi bitched every time he stepped out in the too small of briefs that he called a speedo.

“Looks like the little wifey has already started nagging,” JJ said with a wink.

“Babe, I’m _not_ your wifey!” Georgi whined.

“Dude, don’t say babe… makes us gay.”

“Dude.”

 

* * *

 

It might have been the extra bottle wine, it might have been the long day in the sun-- they were leaning on one another, bumping hips as they found their hotel room, loudly laughing.

“Oh my god! That waiter's face when we said we were newlyweds!” Georgi laughed out.

“Classic, babe! Pure classic!” JJ said.

“Dude! You said no to babe!”

“Dude.”

Falling into their hotel room, they ended up crawling to the couch. They were still laughing at it all, all more heightened by their drunken minds.

“Georgi! It is our honeymooooooon!” JJ slurred as he leaned over and rested his head on Georgi’s shoulder.

“Wouldn’t that be why we are in Hawaii?”

“Yeah, m’ok… I’m drunk,” JJ slurred out.

“We both are, babe.”

“Dude.”

“Right, dude,” Georgi chuckled.

“It has been such a romantic trip too… it is almost over. I don’t want it to be over,” JJ whined.

“It is very romantic,” Georgi said, “Even those roses you got me.”

“You like flowers, brah.”

“Brah.”

JJ sat up. They had been here for a week and all he had done was jerk off in the shower. They slept in the same bed, but on different sides of the bed. They couldn’t find honeymoon suites with two beds.

Laying in bed that night, they were both drunk and horny. Reaching over, JJ grabbed Georgi’s cock.

“Jean-Jacques!” Georgi cried out.

“It’s not gay unless our dicks touch,” JJ slurred out.

“Dude.”

Georgi reached over and grabbed JJ’s dick. Each on their sides of the bed, arms stretched as far as they could, jerking fast up and down. Wet skin slapping throughout the room as they grunted. JJ refused to moan, this was a time for pure grunts.

They passed out the moment they came.

 

* * *

 

“Come on Georgi! You wore that girly shit and make up and as you skated!” JJ whined out.

“It was for my routine, that was different,” Georgi said.

“Oh come on, just this once!” JJ said.

“Isn’t that… gay?” Georgi asked.

“Not at all! It is not as if we are fucking.”

It was a skirt that JJ had come home with. Georgi had looked at it and refused immediately. JJ had not given up.

Grabbing the skirt, JJ smiled as Georgi stomped off to his bedroom. They stayed in Canada, and had a two bedroom house. JJ had his room, Georgi had his.

JJ had seen the skirt at the mall and all he could think of was Georgi in it. It was a pale blue color, with lace and very flowy. He _had_ to get it for his husband. JJ had skipped home that day, the bag in hand just knowing Georgi would like it.

When Georgi came out the room, he had the skirt on with a white camisole top. He looked ridiculous. His hair was on full pompadour and his legs were hairy.

“You need to shave your legs,” JJ said.

“What? No!” Georgi exclaimed.

“It is not big deal, I shave mine,” JJ said as he lifted his pant leg.

“That is because _you_ are gay!” Georgi said.

“No homo!” JJ said with a smile.

Georgi stomped off to the bathroom. JJ smiled as he heard the water running. It took almost an hour and JJ was shivering with anticipation, but when Georgi came out, his legs were baby smooth. All that dark, thick black hair was gone.

“Clogged the drain,” Georgi said.

“I’ll fix it later.”

JJ was impatient. He had pictured just this when he got the skirt. Bending Georgi over the couch, he didn’t look like a guy like this. Even as he lifted the skirt…

“Fuck… since when did you own panties?” JJ breathed out.

JJ ran his hands over the pure white cotton panties.

“That’s gay,” Georgi breathed out.

“Right, right. Sorry dude,” JJ said as he grabbed the lube.

Pulling the panties down, JJ poured the lube into Georgi’s ass crack. He did not _touch him there_ , he just poured lube to make it wet. He could take his cock and rub it between Georgi’s ass cheeks, feeling how wet it was from lube, the skirts pushed up, his round ass sticking out, no, this was not gay. Their dicks didn’t touch, he didn’t fuck Georgi.

More grunts and JJ thrusted up and down over that slick crack, grabbing at Georgi’s ass cheeks, pushing them against his cock. He was getting close.

Georgi had his hand wrapped around his own shaft, stroking himself hard.

He came before JJ did, grunting and groaning. JJ thrusted a few more times, smacking down on Georgi’s ass, he yelled out, “Dude!”

 

* * *

 

“Seriously, what is all this?” Otabek asked JJ over Skype.

“What? Can’t two friends be married and not be questioned?” JJ asked.

“Are they fucking yet?” Yuri yelled from behind Otabek.

“Yura!” Otabek barked out.

“Sorry, we are all curious!” Yuri said as he stomped off.

Otabek rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen.

“I swear man, we are not gay. No homo here!” JJ laughed out.

“ALL HOMO!” Yuri yelled from somewhere off screen.

“YURI!” Otabek yelled out.

“Anyways, so tell me about your new routine,” JJ asked and they went into talking about next season.

They had been talking for awhile before Georgi came back to his bedroom.

“Brah, dinner is ready!” Georgi said.

“Ah Otabek! Gotta go! Georgi just finished cooking our dinner,” JJ said before ending the call.

But not before Otabek had seen where Georgi was in a skirt and apron. Shivering, Otabek went to go erase his mind from what he had just seen.

“Yeah, they are all homo,” Otabek said to Yuri.

 

* * *

 

“Don’t you miss it though? The feel of a woman… the kissing?” Georgi had asked JJ.

JJ shook his head, he had thought about it. He had a good companion in Georgi. They worked well together. Even as he continued to thrust his cock between Georgi’s thighs. Their cocks never touched, it was all good. Georgi could pump his fist over his cock, JJ would lube up his cock and Georgi’s inner thighs-- it felt good.

“Dude, what do we need women for? We been through this. All the do is nag and break our hearts,” JJ panted out.

“You know, this doesn’t feel that great,” Georgi said.

“Well you are bent all funny, want to just turn over? We can do that lube on the ass crack thing.”

“Dude, that’s so gay!” Georgi said.

“I’m not sticking it in!”

“It gets me all sticky,” Georgi said, “Plus all I am doing is jerking off.”

“Fine, we can change position then,” JJ said.

JJ stopped and rolled onto his back. Grabbing the lube, he slicked his inner thighs then held his legs tightly together. Georgi had that skirt on again. JJ had gotten him a few more.

“You should put that eye shadow on again,” JJ panted out as Georgi stuck his dick between his thighs.

“Next you’ll ask me to wear perfume,” Georgi groaned out.

“Good idea!”

“Dude.”

“Dude.”

 

* * *

 

“Ok, _this_ is gay!” Georgi said.

“Oh shut up. Our dongs never touch, it isn’t gay!” JJ said as Georgi was on his knees before him.

They had been married five months now. JJ had never been happier.

“This is as gay as it gets,” Georgi said before opening his mouth.

JJ felt stubble as Georgi’s face brushed over his thigh, “Fuck, go shave your face again.”

“I shaved this morning!” Georgi said.

“Well I can feel it on my leg, and _that_ is gay!”

“Fine, we can both go shave,” Georgi said.

Going into the bathroom, JJ liked the light green skirt Georgi had on. It was tight and it was short. If it lifted a little bit, JJ knew Georgi’s balls would hang out.

Standing at the sink, they each lathered their faces up and ran the razor over their cheeks and down their necks.

“You missed a spot,” Georgi said and ran his blade over JJ’s cheek.

“Thanks, brah!”

Once they were done, they went back to the living room. That skirt Georgi was wearing was really short and really right. The outline of his cock clearly seen.

“Ok, let’s try this now,” JJ said as he pulled his running shorts back down.

“Is there anywhere you don’t shave?” Georgi asked as he went back down to his knees.

JJ laughed and patted his cheek with his hand, “All over babe.”

“Dude.”

“Right, dude.”

JJ moaned the moment Georgi’s mouth wrapped around his cock. It had been so long and with Georgi dressed up, he looked like a girl. If JJ didn’t look down, it could be a girl.

When he came, JJ grabbed Georgi’s hair— hard.

“Brah!”

JJ jerked Georgi off afterward. They were on the couch, Georgi’s skirt up around his waist, his camisole twisted on his torso, his hot breath in JJ’s ear.

JJ thought if he kept his eyes closed, Georgi could be whoever he imagined him to be. Their mouths were so close, their breath mingled— then Georgi grunted, broke the spell as he spilled all over JJ’s hand.

“Thanks babe,” Georgi said.

JJ didn’t correct him.

 

* * *

 

It had been a year, it was their anniversary. Bets were lost over how long they would last. Only one bet stood in place.

JJ was thrusting and Georgi was panting. No, they weren’t gay, they were friends… friends who loved each other and got off tougher. Sure they used each other to do so, but why not? They _were_ married after all.

Laying in bed, covered in sweat and cum, JJ got his phone out, and went to take a picture.

Georgi was kissing him, he kissed back.

“Happy one year!” the hashtag read.

 

“Son of a bitch! I owe you five dollars!” Yuri yelled to Otabek.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos as those fuel me!!!  
>   
> [Phaytesworld ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/phaytesworld)  
> Phayte <3


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